Last night I went to bed angry, I had angry dreams, and woke up in the middle of the night seething. I tried getting up to distract myself from the anger in my brain, to not give any more energy to a situation that doesn’t deserve it, but it was to no avail.
I then got angry at the anger, and said to myself, “It’s not FAIR! It’s not fair that, in my life of ten million things to be happy for, I am wasting my time being angry over this ONE!” It hit me like lightning, I felt my Mother, Hethert, nodding and smiling at me that I finally understood.
I began listing all of the things I am happy for. Beginning with my boyfriend, whose strong arm was wrapped around me as he slept. To my cat, snuggled up and purring next to me. My beautiful apartment, my lovely city, my fantastic friends, my supportive and loving family, my rewarding career, the list goes on and on. Love, laughter, dancing, music. As I listed, the anger dissipated. The situation got so small as to be insignificant once I stepped back to take in the bigger picture that is my entire life.
How does Hethert do it? Being happy and loving all of the time? I describe Her always as vast, She is huge and everywhere. Perhaps that is how She can do it. She sees everything, the whole picture, and sees the beauty of life. We live down in the weeds, so to speak, so sometimes from our vantage point all we see is this one thing. Maybe, just maybe if we can lift ourselves up just long enough so that we can take in the bigger picture, then maybe we, too, can see the beauty and love in everything. And maybe, just maybe, that can be enough to get us through the rough patches.
Will I get angry again? I’m certain I will. It’s a situation worth being angry over, and sometimes righteous anger is just the fuel needed to help us bust through those brick walls preventing us from moving forward. I’ll get angry, but I won’t let the anger linger. I’ve got far too much good in my life to let this one thing waste my time.