4th Year Diviniversary

Today marks my fourth year as a shemsu of the Kemetic Orthodoxy.  Four years ago today, I was divined the daughter of Set and Hethert-Sekhmet, beloved of Heru-Wer, Djehuty, and Amun.  “That’s a lot of god,” I hear you thinking.  Yup, that is a lot of god.

Year One was a year of self discovery.  Year Two was a year of community. Year Three was a year of finding and achieving purity.

Year Four began with me as a freshly-minted w’ab priest.  I had my hands publically washed in front of the community on Wep Ronpet.  One year ago today my life was a heap of bricks, waiting for me to make it into whatever I wanted.  With everything holding me back left behind, I did just that – whatever I wanted.   Slowly, one step at a time, one brick at a time, I  built the foundation upon which I will continue building my life.  I took near the entire year to build this foundation because I intend for this new life to last.

I spent this Year living in Nubia, which is a reference to my Mother, the Wandering Goddess, and her journey to Nubia  where she had to be coaxed back home through bribery and deceit.  Nubia is a wonderful place, full of music and dancing and being care-free. Nubia was where I stayed, affording myself the peace and the joy, which allowed me to rebuild my life.  I found wonderful friends, I rediscovered new passions and pursuits, I fell in love with my local community, and I fell in love with a boy.

But Nubia is not my home.  Once I felt I had things settled and in place, I wandered back to Kemet.  Without bribery, without deceit, completely on my own accord.  This is where I begin Year Five as a shemsu: back home and trying to rediscover my place in it.

Thankfully, Nubia (as I am using it) is not an actual place but is instead a concept, an idea.  Which means that I can carry Nubia with me in my heart, and I will always have access to the joy and dancing and carefree living it promises without having to stray from my home and my family.   Returning from wandering, I brought back with me a secret of Balance.

I have had a working State shrine since January 2011.  I have a beautiful shrine name, and very happy Parents.  As I stand on my balcony, penthouse of a downtown high-rise, and look out over my city, I take stock of my achievements over this past year.  I heave a great sigh of contentment.  I won.  I have everything: two fulfilling jobs  – one as a training lead and another as a priest, I have a beautiful apartment in an incredible location, I have my education and experience, and I have an incredible boyfriend who makes me feel so loved and appreciated, I simply cannot get enough of him.  There is nothing more that I need or want, except to make everything better.

But how do I do that while still maintaining Balance between it all?

That, I believe, is going to be my homework for my fifth year as a shemsu.  I’ve come a long way, baby.

Celebrating four years of making sense as a person. Nekhtet. 🙂

Third Year Divinersary

The following was written in my personal weblog on Sept 9, 2010 , in reflection of my third year as a shemsu of the Kemetic Orthodoxy.

Wednesday, September 8th, was my third year divinersary.  Three years since I was divined the daughter of Set and Hethert-Sekhmet, beloved of Heru-Wer, Djehuty, and Amun.  Year three, and what a year it has been.

Year One was a year of self discovery. I learned about myself as an individual, who I am when I stand alone.

Year Two was a year of community.  I learned about myself as part of the community, who I am when I stand among others.

I began my third year as a freshly-minted Shemsu-Ankh having undergone Weshim-Ib during the Wep Ronpet retreat the month before.  I accepted Her Holiness Hekatawy I, current Nisut-bityt of the Kemetic Orthodox Religion, as my (spiritual) mother, and I accepted the members of the Faith as my spiritual brothers and sisters.  I made that spiritual commitment to the community and the Faith, and it felt so right.  I got my shemsu-ankh scarab as a symbol of that commitment, and I wear it daily, proudly.

Year Three started off on one foot, but ended up someplace completely different.  Tell me a year ago that I would be where I am now, and I would have kidded you for being a great fiction writer.  And yet, here I am.  Though the process begun years ago, in December 2009 I made the formal decision and spoke my intentions of becoming a w’abet for my Parents, Set and Hethert.  This year I made strides to essentially destroy my own life, to raze it down to its foundation, its pure fundamentals.

This year, I learned about myself as the daughter of Set and Hethert, for all and everything that goes with it, for all of the good and all of the bad.

I lost so much during this year.  I lost love, I lost friends, I lost a home, I lost a job, I lost trust, I lost sleep, I lost money, I lost my smile.  I gained so much during this year as well.  I gained a new job, I gained new friends, I gained a new home, I gained faith.  While I still do not have trust, and my smile is fleeting, I am gaining hope.  Hope for tomorrow, hope for my future, hope for potential.

This year, I shed off everything that was holding me back so that I could face this Kemetic Year of Zep Tepi with a true Zep Tepi.

This year, I learned what all it means to be my Parents’ daughter.  The both of Them, combined, are in me.  I learned what that means.  I learned what it’s like to feel anger from both sides – the hot volcanic rage of my Mother, the cold calculated steel of my Father.  I learned what They expect of me, as Their daughter.  My Father assigns me tasks that I am to carry out as a daughter of Hethert, I am to approach His tasks with great love and joy.  My Mother assigns me tasks that I am to carry out as a child of Set.  She expects me to be firm, to enforce and teach boundaries, to be a cold pillar that watches silently, to witness.  Being the child of One has taught me so much about being the child of the Other, and the both of Them together make up the whole of me.

And me is a pretty damn awesome thing to be.

This year, I learned about purity and what that means.  I learned to recognize what is impure and toxic in my life.  I learned to remove such toxicity from my life, and the importance of doing so early, before it overcomes and destroys and uncreates.  I learned more about my limits, I learned more about my boundaries and when to enforce the piddly meaningless boundaries in order to prevent the Important Boundaries(TM) from being reached and toed.  I learned how furiously I will fight to protect those Important Boundaries(TM).

This year I saw the ugliest side of myself.  Though I was afraid, I looked her straight in the eye and realized … hey, she’s not really all that bad after all.  I saw the ugly, I embraced it and I incorporated it into the whole of me.  Because she is me, too, and she is beautiful.  Cleans up rather nicely, that ugly side o’mine.  But I realize now that I need her, I need to take care of her, to let her out and let her breathe.  Ugly be damned, she is necessary and important.  So okay, sure, maybe I’m not as beautiful and timid as I used to be, but I like myself when I look in the mirror now.  I like that look in my eyes, that dangerous smirk hiding in the corner of my mouth, I like how tall I seem to have become.

I am my Parents’ daughter.  I am Taqaisenu, daughter of Set and Hethert-Sekhmet.  I am strong in ways unimaginable.  I am my Parents’ priest, and I am eager to see what the next twelve months are going to bring me.

Celebrating three years of making sense as a person.  Nekhtet! 🙂

Second Year Divinersary

The following was written in my personal weblog on Sept 7, 2009 , in reflection of my second year as a shemsu of the Kemetic Orthodoxy.

September 8th marks Year Two after my RPD and two years of being a shemsu in the Kemetic Orthodox faith.  Two years ago, I was divined as a daughter of Set and Hethert-Sekhmet, beloved of Heru-Wer, Djehuty, and Amun.

Year One as a shemsu could be considered as a year of self-discovery.  I learned about myself as a person, as an individual.  Knowing my Parents and my Beloveds and getting to know more about Them led me to learn more about my self.  Learning the secrets within my shemsu name is also an ongoing process, quite wonderful and a lot of responsibility.

Year One was very introspective, who I am when I stand alone.  Year Two was getting to know myself as part of a community, who I am when I stand among others.  Attending the Wep Ronpet retreat introduced me to many members of the community, which made it easier for me to insinuate myself into the local smaller gatherings and get-togethers.  Much to my absolute amazement, everybody welcomed me with open arms and great big smiles.  I didn’t even have to try, I didn’t have to work, I just had to show up.

They made this lifelong Outsider feel like she truly fit in.  Not an easy feat, to be sure.  I will always be grateful.

My previous attempts at integrating myself into a community have been less than successful.  I’m too weird for the Normals and too normal for the Weirdos.  I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for folks whose purposeful bad decisions are what perpetuate their own troubles, and my soft underbelly leaves me vulnerable and open to being taken advantage of.

Not this community.  I fit right in right away without even trying, it was as though this was where I always belonged.  I found friends in places I never would have expected, friends with similar values and ideas yet different backgrounds, but all with a certain indescribable quality that makes being with them – both as a group as well as one-on-one – so incredibly effortless.

And comfortable.  I am comfortable within this community and among its members.  I feel safe, loved, and accepted for the odd little person that I am.

This year I spent quite a bit of time getting to know the community of the Kemetic Orthodox faith.  I quickly grew to love them all, I am so grateful for their generosity, kindness and acceptance.  That is why I chose to undergo the Weshim Ib one month ago and become a Shemsu-Ankh.  Everyone has given me so much that I want to give back.  I grew to love everyone that I felt them all like family, and I wanted to make that feeling official.

That has always been why I’ve stuck around with the House of Netjer.  Not the gods, not the rituals, but the people.  The community.  You.  Each and every single one of you – the ones I have met, the ones I’ve yet to meet, and the ones who I may never meet in person due to whatever circumstances.  Thank you all for providing me with a place where I can belong, a community that makes me proud and happy to be a member.

Celebrating two years of making sense as a person and belonging to a community.  Nekhtet.

One Year Divinersary

The following was written in my personal weblog on Sept 8, 2008 , in reflection of my first year as a shemsu of the Kemetic Orthodoxy.

September 8th was my one year divinersary — one year since my Rite of Parent Divination (RPD).  The RPD is a rite of passage in the Kemetic Orthodoxy (KO), a ritual to confirm which Kemetic deities serve as the remetj’s spiritual Parent(s), and includes messages from the remetj’s Akhu (the blessed dead)

A Remetj is someone who completed the House of Netjer’s beginner program to learn about the faith, expressed interested in remaining with the House but implies no further commitment.  After completion of the beginner program, the remetj may decide to undergo the RPD, after which, she becomes a Divined Remetj.  The Divined Remetj then can choose to become a Shemsu, a full convert of the Kemetic Orthodox faith.

I took the beginner’s program so I could learn more about the KO and the House of Netjer (HoN).  The community intrigued me, and I wanted to learn more about them as well as ways I can honor the Netjer (the Kemetic, or Ancient Egyptian, deities) present in my life.  As the beginner’s course neared its ending, so many in my ‘graduating class’ were eager for their RPD – to learn the Names of their spiritual Parents, to become shemsu, to move on and upward in the faith.  Then there was me, immensely curious and positively terrified.  I wanted to be divined and progress in the Faith, but I didn’t know if I could handle it if Set did not appear as my Father.  With Set as my Father, I make sense as a person.  Without Him appearing in my divination, I was afraid I’d lose all sense of my self.  Without Him, who am I?

I did some soul searching and had some discussions with Set.  After some time, I came to accept that if Set did not appear in my RPD results, that would not change my history with Him, that would not change our relationship.  I swallowed hard and sent in my pre-RPD questionnaire, excited and scared, wondering if He was in my life because He really was my Father, or if I was more or less an adopted daughter.

My RPD occurred one year ago yesterday, via Instant Messenger with Her Holiness Hekatawy I, current Nisut-bityt of the Kemetic Orthodox Religion.  It was my first time chatting one-on-one with her, and I did have some skeptical reservations about her and her role in the KO.  Very quickly, though, with just some chatting and banter, I realized that she actually is pretty cool people.  Then, we got down to it.

The first part of the ritual, I received a wonderful message from my akhu, validating pretty much everything.  I could have stopped right there and have been happy, but then we moved on to the parent divination.  She asked if I wanted to guess, but I did not.

I was dual-parented, meaning two Names created me.  (Not everyone has two Parents, and not every dual-parented shemsu has a ‘mother’ and a ‘father’; some may have two mothers, others two fathers.)  First was Set, and I nearly collapsed into tears of relief.  Second was Hethert-Sekhmet.

…. Bwah??

Continuing on to the Names Who have a special relationship/connection with me, called my Beloveds, came Heru-Wer, Djehuty, and Amun.  By this time, my brain had gone splody, so I didn’t know what I was reacting to anymore.  Holy shit, look out world, here I come.  I remember my thoughts were going a mile a minute; Hemet asked me if I was still there and all right, when suddenly everything went *click* for me.  My whole life spent as a square peg trying fervently to fit into a round hole, things suddenly snapped into place as I discovered that perfectly shaped square hole.

I had fully intended to spent a year as a divined remetj, to not convert immediately and to spend some time getting to know Hemet, the community, and the Names in my lineup.  But when Hemet asked me if I wanted to become a shemsu – to accept her as my spiritual teacher, and to serve the Names in my lineup before all others – I had nothing to consider.  Hemet was cool people and obviously knows her stuff, and everything I was learning about the KO was fitting well with me; accepting her as my teacher was simple.  Simpler, still, was accepting my RPD results.

Confirmed, Set is my Father.  Hethert as my Mother was a surprise I should not have been surprised about.  Before my RPD, there had been a large part of my self that was could not be reconciled, it didn’t make any sense, and I had always been uncomfortable in my own skin.  Set as my Father could explain so much, but not everything.  While I would never have guessed, having Hethert as my Mother makes me make perfect sense.

I just realized, I don’t think I’ve written about my RPD and my experiences.  So cathartic, it was like the above just spilled from my fingers, I guess this was something I’ve really needed to do.

Over the past year, I’ve been exploring life as a shemsu of the Kemetic Orthodox faith.  What it’s like to be part of a community, I’ve never had that sense of belonging before.  Getting to know my Parents and Beloveds, and how getting to know Them allows me to get to know my self.  Truthfully, I’ve been reveling in the confidence that I was created on purpose.  I’m not just some accident of being, some freak of nature that nobody else can understand.  I finally feel like I’m good for something, after all.

Celebrating one year of making sense as a person.  Nekhtet. 🙂